The last part of winter this year, for me, has been a death-filled winter. In February, I wrote a sonnet on winter and death. That sonnet, and my thoughts about death, were hard to write, because death is not easy. Losing someone is not easy. Thinking about my own death is not easy. And even now, writing about how the rest of my winter has involved death, is not easy. I don't even really want to write about it. But I will anyway, because I think it may somehow be good.
To be straightforward, one of my neighbors died on March 1st - his name was Dale. He was a couple years older than my dad – so, like, 72. He lived up at the end of our street, in the cul-de-sac. He usually walked up and down our street with two older gentlemen – it was Dale, Gary, and the other guy whose name I somehow haven’t learned after all these 10 years of living here. Dale was probably known by everyone on our street – even the newer neighbors. His retired life and walking habit afforded him time to get to know all of us in some way. I got to walk and talk with him quite a few times over the years. He shared with me his knowledge about constellations, hummingbirds, and local waterfalls. And he had a general care and concern for all of his neighbors on the street. He was a kind man.
It has been hard losing him. Our street has not been the same. It's hard seeing his friends walking without him. It’s hard coming out of my house for a walk and not seeing him walking, and having him stop for me, smiling, and beckoning me with a, “Well, come on.” He is missed. My husband and I, along with several neighbors, went to his memorial service at the Lutheran church that sits at the other end of our street. The pastor spoke of resurrection in Christ. And while I am hopeful for resurrection, it’s still just hard without him. There is no one who can fill his shoes and be him, and do what he did. I am convinced that there is not one life on earth that doesn’t fill another life in good ways, in some way. Our lives are important, no matter how big or small we are.
The end of this winter has also brought with it another death - a friend from high school church youth group passed away. She was just 45 years old. She left her husband and two high school-aged boys – and her mother, father, and brother. It was hard hearing this news and thinking of the loss they, along with her close friends and family, are enduring. While I didn’t feel her loss as keenly as others did, I did feel for them based on my own loss, and it affected my mind to an extent in which I needed to take a mental health day from work. I needed a day to pray – for family and friends who are grieving – but also, just to pray for others and for my own life and to clear out, via a brain dump, all of the burdens on my mind.
There was another death, of someone closer, that I heard about in the past couple of weeks, but I won’t go into detail. I will just say that, though winter has not been wintery here in my part of Georgia-land USA, in the way of cold and snow, it has been wintery in the way of death.
Winter did officially end in the last part of March, and here in Georgia, the weather showed up for it. On the last day of winter, the temperature in the evening dropped to below freezing, and then the following day, Spring showed up with warm temperatures, pollen, and sunshine. It was so very appropriate. I symbolically took down my snowflake decor.
Also, previously, I had thought that I would end my winter – my time of hibernation - by reading Becky Beresford's She Believed HE Could So She Did, and I thought it would be an encouragement to me to keep on with non-hustle culture into the Spring. But, I didn't even start reading it until the beginning of Spring, and I am now reading it slowly through with my 17-year-old daughter. I think perhaps maybe I am learning - with this delay in reading - that hibernation and non-hustle culture, and depending on God, is just how life in Christ is supposed to be at all times, not just in Winter.
And so, although Spring is here and I have permission from myself to be a bit more lively and Spring-like, I am giving myself permission to continue on with the slow life. I’ll continue on with slow-driving, with slowly reading through a book with my daughter, with slowly writing, with waiting on the Lord, no matter how slow or fast he goes.
Sonnet 2.IV - BTS
I have been thinking awhile about a sonnet that I want to write. The idea began as I read these thoughts from
. She writes about making friends with the trees, and it reminded me how I've made friends with deer over the years. I don't think I've had a wild deer encounter during this winter yet, but I have encountered deer plenty at the Yellow River Wildlife Sanctuary. Encountering deer in the wild is so much different from encountering deer in captivity. And that's what my next sonnet is going to be about. I began writing it this week, as it has been our Spring break, and currently have a pretty good draft completed. I’ll be editing it over the next day and hope to publish it soon.If you’re not ready to pay for a subscription, but you appreciated this post and would like to show it in a monetary way, you can drop some change in my guitar case. ———→ guitar case